


The Heat of Red

by weishenist



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:42:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26891608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weishenist/pseuds/weishenist
Summary: The Vena Amoris is the vein that connects the heart to your ring finger.As Mark looks at his finger, the pain goes straight to his heart. He was so sure the ring there would stop Donghyuck from going over the edge.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	The Heat of Red

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Fall Away by Lund while reading, it will make the story that much better I hope.

Red is the color of extremes. It's the color of passionate love, seduction, violence, danger, anger, and adventure. Our prehistoric ancestors saw red as the color of fire and blood – energy and primal life forces – and most of red's symbolism today arises from its powerful associations in the past.  
That's what the book tells Mark. That the color red is the feeling he felt when he loved Donghyuck.  


Loved. That word fires around his head, hitting his most precious memories, making his mind plead for the presence that would make everything better.  


The word traveled down his throat, making it constrict with the razor edges. It decides to settle in his chest, right on his heart. The word is pushing down hard, making it hard for him to breathe. He can't seem to get any air around the word and to his lungs.  
He kneels and clasps his hands together in front of his face and shuts his eyes, trying to get a grip on himself. He breathes real deep and slow, easing his rising heart rate.  


"Hyung?"  
Mark startles, getting up so quickly he gets light-headed. With his mind still white noise, he looks around the seemingly empty room.  
But he swore he heard the one voice he's been aching to hear.  


He looked around again, seeing nothing, cursing his imagination.  
He regrets the moment of weakness because the pain is now back in his heart, magnified tenfold. His clutched chest felt like it was pulsating right underneath his white button-up. Eyes were squeezed shut in a grimace, so he felt the presence more than he saw it.  


A hand gently pulled his from his chest, rubbing his sore knuckles. His breath hitched. He knew this touch, he knew the uneven breaths coming from the person in front of him. He knew this person better than anyone in the world.  


He dared to open his eyes, just barely able to discern anything. He saw a neck with moles scattered like the constellations in the night. He opened his eyes fully and trailed them from the neck to the persons' lips.  
They were pink and full, the bottom lip was barely pulled by the teeth that rested on it. They were a little raw from being bitten and picked on too much but still beautiful.  
Mark looked even more, at the nose that was slightly red at the tip because it was cold and he always told him to wear even just a wrap but he always refused.  
"Mark Hyung."  


Mark knew that if he looked up into the eyes he knew were there, his heart would stop beating and he'd be just like him. But he had to, just to see if it was actually him, to ease his heart: even for a moment.  
So Mark looked into the honey-brown eyes just above the perfect nose and gorgeous lips. And he saw life and sparks and stars staring right back at him. He saw everything that made a person alive in his eyes.  


Mark reached his hand out to touch Donghyucks face, caressing the little mole right beside the corner of his eye.  
Donghyck reached up too, but Mark felt him wiping his eyes, wanting to linger in his touch.  


Mark didn't even realize he was crying, but now that it was brought to his attention that's all he heard. His body wracking sobs echoed in the empty room, with only Donghyuck to listen to the sounds of his heart, picking up the sharp shards of its shell to try and piece itself together whole again.  


But the pieces were slippery and it was always a two-person job to fix something. It just so happened that the person that destroyed Mark's heart didn't even have one that beat.  


Mark was gasping for air, tears blinding him of the most radiant presence in front of him. He was mad at himself for letting the tears obstruct his view, but he just couldn't stop them from coming.  


He gave in to the dam that broke and pulled Donghyuck down to the ground with him, enveloping him in his arms in a tight hug. He seemed afraid to let go, he didn't know if Hyuck would disappear in a certain light so he held him close. Donghyuck moved his arms to Marks head and massaged his ears because God knows how much Mark had been abusing them in his state.  


Mark slowly calmed down, the sobs subsided to soft whimperings instead of the ones that made him choke on his saliva.  
He leaned away from the embrace but still kept him in his hold so he wouldn't go. He took in Donghyuck and his vibrant form that was just teeming with life. It made it easy to ignore the bright red rope burns on his neck and the open wounds on his wrists. But Mark still saw the bruises underneath his biceps, being pinched and pulled in too many directions left telltale signs.  


Donghyuck always hurt the spots that were easier to hide.  


Mark ran his hands over the bruises on his collar, trying to see if there was really life in this boy. He used his lingering to really look at Donghyuck. He noticed he was wearing his favorite outfit, ripped black jeans with a silky white blouse. The colors contrasted well together, but on Donghyucks body? It made him look like a celestial being, shimmering in his own glow.  


The shirt was undone a little further down his chest and Mark could see so many bruises littering the once perfect, golden skin. There were bruises shaped like hands and belts and fingers and God why didn't he tell him it got this bad.  


Mark could feel his chest heaving again after looking at the boy and just how broken he had been. Mark let the tears fall again, but he reached for Donghyucks hands before Hyuck could stretch his own out. He felt his fingers one by one until he got to his ring finger. There was only a ring on one of the hands. Mark brought the ring up to Hyucks face.  
"This was supposed to keep us together. This was my reason to stay too."  


Donghyuck had focused on the ring, but at Marks words, he shifted his attention to his face. His eyes had gone sad, dimmed down from their brilliance.  
"It was my whole life Mark, this ring was my hero. But it couldn't stop the pain."  


Mark and Donghyuck stared into each other's eyes, both looking for something in the depths of their emotions. Mark looked away first, bringing the ring to his face and kissing the finger it laid upon.  


"I promise I'll be with you again, I promise to save you," he mumbled into the skin there. Donghyuck shivered at the contact but brought his hand to his side. He tilted Marks face to meet his eyes again, "Mark please don't leave me."  


Marks eyes pricked, they hadn't stopped since they sat down. Mark began to struggle to get air to his lungs, it felt like his airways were being blocked by something. His chest wasn't aching anymore, it just felt numb. But his throat was so tight he could only gasp out.  


Donghyuck reached up to his face and rubbed soothing circles on his cheekbones. Mark relished the touch and leaned into it. He slowly got his breathing under control again, focusing below Hyucks torso. He moved his hands up to grasp the ones still on his face.  


He noticed a flash of ink on his arm and pulled his sleeve up to reveal the whole tattoo. it was a simple one, just one word. Mark looked up at Donghyuck and realized he was staring straight at it. Mark reached out for his arm and slowly pulled his sleeve up. He pushed past the red and purple streaks and dozens of thin straight scars till he found Hyucks own tattoo, one word as well.  


Mark traced over the red, five-letter word on the honey skin, recalling its meaning to his mind. "Did I really make you feel strong like black?" The question came out in a hushed whisper and Donghyuck gave a particularly loud sigh, before pulling his arm out of Marks. "How do you think I was able to leave if you didn't."  


In turn, he grabbed Marks tattooed arm and asked his own question, "do I still make you feel loved like red?"  
Hyuck traced the black three-lettered word in the silence, waiting to see if he would answer.  


"You made me feel angry like red, the dark red is in there but it's clouded by the anger. I was in hysterics when I found out you were d-"  
He choked on the last word but managed to finish his sentence, "gone."  


"It was so bad Hyuck, I needed you more than anything. I went off on Renjun for hours. I yelled at him till I couldn't even speak, how he shouldn't have let it happen, how he could've been there even though it was my job. But he still comforted me. He was the one who took me to Johnny Hyung. Johnny Hyung didn't even know what to do with me. He had to take me to his and Taeyongs place. Do you know how hard it was to look in Yukheis' face and tell him what happened?"  


Donghyuck stopped grazing the ink on Mark's arm, looking down at his wrist that held the bracelet with Yukhei's birthday on it. He missed his soulmate, who understood him better than anyone-except Mark. But he didn't have the right to after he probably broke his heart with what happened.  


Mark knew Donghyuck was thinking about his best friend and how he must feel, but Mark didn't want him to dwell on it because there was nothing that could be done now. Donghyuck made his decision and now he and Yukhei were suffering the consequences for not being there.  


"You know Mark, Yukhei always looked at you a little longer."  
Mark knew what he was alluding to but he didn't have the heart to tell him Renjun would probably beat him to the punch before he was ready.  


"Did you know I always looked at you a little longer?"  


Mark heard Donghyuck suck in a breath, looking up into his eyes he saw that they looked glassy like he had his own dam breaking.  
"Mark I looked for you even when we were apart."  


Mark stared at him, straight to his soul, and he knew there was nothing better than this. Mark let a watery smile bloom on his face before pulling Donghyucks lips to his own.  


Donghyuck was cold, his lips, his hands that were pulling at the hair on his nape, and his legs that crawled over Marks. But the cold felt too good to break apart for something he dreamed about.  


Mark didn't want this kiss to be a sex driven one, so he kissed him slow and softly, memorizing every inch of Hyuck he could reach. But Donghyuck wanted the last thing he could have to be the best.  


He pressed himself more to Mark, pushing their bodies closer, and licked along his lower lip before pulling it into his mouth. Mark gasped at the wet feeling and Donghyuck slipped his tongue into his mouth. He could feel it moving, licking along the walls and making electricity shock through his body. He could feel how hard he was gripping Donghyucks thighs, that he knew if he looked, there would be bruises shaped just like his fingers.  


Mark tentatively pushed his tongue to meet Hyucks and it was like a silent sonic explosion happened, but in the space between their bodies. He fought for dominance, winning out and sucking on Donghyucks tongue. He pulled away with his tongue in his mouth still, eyes blazing at the trail of saliva connecting their mouths, that were panting. Hyuck pushed their lips back together and they slowed back down, Mark rubbing soothing circles on Hyucks thighs. He lingered into the kiss before he pulled away.  


He had his eyes closed but they snapped open when he heard quiet sniffles from the boy in front of him. He engulfed him again but in an embrace. He made quiet, soothing noises in his ear, telling him sweet nothings to calm him down.  


"Hyuck why are you sad? You're here with me right now and its the best feeling in the world."  
Donghyuck tightened his grip on Mark's waist, nuzzling farther in his chest.  


"Because this could've been our forever if I waited."  


Marks hold went a little slack before he responded. "My forever can wait if you're safe.  
"Besides, this isn't goodbye, it's just a 'see you later' for now."  


There was a faint ringing sound coming from the ground around them, momentarily quieting Donghyuck. Mark reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone.  
Now that it wasn't muffled anymore by their combined legs the song could be heard in their silence.  


"A place where I can’t touch you and can’t even hold you  
What’s shining under the surface is not that person  
Your sad story that can’t come true  
The closer you go, the more you’ll hurt, so  
Just that love stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
Just that love stop, stop, stop, stop, yeah  
Like this, I’m anxiously calling you  
Don’t go, babe, those wings will get wet"  


The song made Donghyuck tear up again, because of course Mark would have his favorite song as his ringtone. And of course, the song just so happened to fit their situation at this moment.  


Donghyuck pulled Mark in for a sweet but short kiss. Letting him go he could answer his phone.

He collected himself before getting to his feet. Mark was still on the ground so he looked up in alarm at their change of positions. He could already feel his chest tightening and pressure building around his eyes.  


Donghyucks eyes widened with the realization that Mark thought he was leaving. So he quickly pulled him up and gestured to his phone. Mark, relieved, answered the call.  
"Hello?"  


"Hey Mark, uhm, the service is in 20 minutes. Get here please, Yukheis really out of it."  


Mark's heart skipped a beat.  
The service? What? He looked at Hyucks' expectant expression before replying.  


"You're not gonna believe this but I don't think we even need it anymore."  
There was a long silence on the other side, "Mark what are you talking about?"  


Mark sighed, mulling over what to say. "Just wait till I get there Jaehyun Hyung, you'll love this." He hung up before he could say anything else.  
Marks eyes never left Donghyucks form through the call, making sure he wouldn't disappear. Assured he was staying, Mark grabbed Donghyucks arm and led him to his garage. 

Donghyuck walked slow, taking in the house he was leaving behind. Memories flooded his mind at every step. This house was his second home, the person living there had been his first. First everything, and would be his last.  


Mark guided him through the house and into his garage. Noticing Donghyucks trailing fingers, he slowed his pace to relish in the sight before him. When they reached Marks car, Mark led him to the passenger door and sat him down. He rushed to the drivers' side and revved his engine, seeing the carbon building up around his car. Just as he was about to open the garage door, Donghyucks fingers snatched his from the button.  


"Mark, do you want a forever with me?"  
Mark, caught off guard by the question, still didn't hesitate to answer.  


"More than anything in the world."  


Donghyuck blessed him with a dazzling smile and pulled his lips to his. Mark felt like he was wrapped in bliss. He had the love of his life right next to him and whatever was creeping around the car was making him feel amazing. His head had never been so light, he couldn't even remember what was the cause of the phantom pain in his chest.  


"Mark, will you forgive me for what I did to you?"  


"You don't have to apologize for anything, you're here with me right now that's all that matters."  


Donghyucks piling guilt got heavier upon hearing that, did Mark really not know why he was here? There were signs all over his body that should've given it away.  


Mark, on the other hand, was completely oblivious. He was feeling really sleepy now and his head started to throb. He could see something gray fogging up his mirrors. It worked its way into his car and built up around them. It was blocking his view of Donghyuck, but he couldn't swat it away, it was surrounding him. He opted to reach out for Hyucks hand in the fog, "Hyuck, I'm really tired. Can you please wake me in 5 minutes, I have to get to the service."  


Donghyuck squeezed his hand and Mark took that as a reply. His eyelids were so heavy that he almost slept waiting for an answer. Content, he succumbed to whatever the gray fog was doing to him and fell into a deep sleep. Thoughts of waking up to Donghyuck was enough to get the corners of his mouth lifted, before his breathing deepened. His chest rose and fell slowly, too slow to just be unconscious.  


Hyuck gazed at Mark, watching his chest move up and down, getting slower at each beat. Hyuck reached his other hand to Marks chest and rested it right above his heart beat. But there wasn't a steady thump there anymore, his chest was still and there was no vibrations coming from his heart. His breathing had finally stopped. So now Mark was just there, sitting in a car with his dead lover on his mind, and supposedly on his arm. He smiled at the still form next to him, gently prying his fingers from Marks tight grip.  


Did Donghyuck really get the one person who made him alive to stay with him? He felt his heart aching, it didn't even beat but he could still feel it breaking. A phantom pain. But if he felt the pain didn't that make it even more real?  


Mark didn't wake up after the five minutes. He didn't even wake up when Donghyuck disappeared. But he did wake up when he heard crying.  
He was sure he got it all out of Hyuck so why were there still tears?  


He opened his eyes and pushed his body out, stretching, realizing he was still in his car. His eyes still felt heavy so it was hard for him to get them open.  
He heard the crying closer this time and looked out his window. He could make out forms of bodies surrounding his car, huddled by the wall. He pushed the palm of his hands into his eyes to clear the last of sleep and focus. He saw Jaehyun and Johnny leaning against the wall of his garage. Johnny was holding a crying Ten, but the cries coming from him weren't the ones that made him wake up. So he looked around some more before he saw Yukhei in the doorway, head in his hands and shoulders shaking from the fierce sobs coming from his body.  


There was Renjun right next to him, gently patting his shoulder with his own silent tears flowing down his face, barely coming up to his bicep.  
Mark was so confused, why was everyone crying around his garage? Weren't they supposed to be somewhere? He had a feeling in the back of his mind that there was something important going on but he was the only one out of the loop. He looked past the doorway and met honey eyes. He stilled and focused his attention on Donghyuck, a smile lighting up his face. He was still with him.  


He got out of his car to head towards his love. He touched Tens' arm on his way as a comforting sign, but he couldn't stop just then when Hyuck was so close. He could feel his chest tighten at their proximity. So he didn't notice the shiver that went through Ten after the touch. Or how Johnny had his tears hidden in the crown of Tens hair.  


When he got to Yukhei in the doorway he didn't know how to tell him to move. He was crying so hard that he didn't even know if he would be able to hear him. So he gently put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. It seemed Yukhei didn't even notice him or the movement. He frowned before he whispered out a soft "Yukhei." The reaction was immediate, he looked up and stared directly into Mark's eyes. Before Mark could open his mouth to tell him to move again, Renjun spoke.  
"Are you ok?"  


Yukhei blinked hard, still seeming to stare at Mark, right through him. "I swore I heard Mark Hyungs voice," his voice was low, like it hurts him to even speak.  
Mark doesn't know why he's acting like he's not there but before he can open his mouth, a sweet, melodic voice speaks his name. Mark looks around Yukhei and sees Donghyuck with his hand outstretched to him. He grabs the hand, and he feels Hyuck tug him towards the door. Mark is about to protest because he will just ram him and Yukhei to the floor, but the grip on his hand is tight, so he gets pulled anyway. Mark is pulled toward Hyuck and he braces for the impact that never comes. Mark comes face to face with Hyuck, a shocked expression on his face. Hyuck just stares back at him with a small smile, intertwining their still connected hands.  


"Remember when I asked if you would forgive me for what I did?"  


"Yes, but I still don't get what you needed to apologize for."  
Donghyuck grimances, releasing his hand from Marks' grip and turning his shoulders to the scene that was still playing out in his garage.  


From this angle, Mark could still see Yukhei and Renjun in the doorway but he could also see Jaehyun and Johnny against the wall and Ten curled underneath his arm. He looked around more before he did a double-take and looked back inside his car. There was a shadow that pulled his attention back.  
There was a body in the driver's seat, right where he was moments ago. How could he have not noticed it?  


But when Mark took a closer look he realized with a horrified expression that it was his body. Mark looked back at Donghyuck, who didn't seem surprised at all.  


"Hyuck, why am I right there?"  


Hyucks' face went a little tight. Averting his eyes, he earnestly grabbed Mark's hands with his own and pulled them to his mouth, staring at his knuckles; like he couldn't bear to meet his eyes. He rested his lips on the muscles and felt them twitch at his touch.  


"Mark do you still not get why I asked if you wanted to be with me? Well, now we can! We won't ever have to leave each other! A forever is around the corner and all we have to do is make the trip."  


Mark didn't get quite what he was referring to, only remembering their brief conversation before he fell asleep in his car...with the fog around them...  


He was pulled out of his thoughts by movement in his garage. He looked to the door and saw Yukhei, Renjun, Jaehyun, and Ten file out. All of them had red eyes and were panting, like it was hard for them to get a breath in. Mark tried to stop Ten when he walked towards him but he was completely ignored, the hand on his arm doing nothing to stop him.  


Ten continued walking and Mark got in his path, pulling his hands from Hyuck until they were both free. Ten walked straight through him. Through his body. Like he wasn't even there.  


It was the weirdest feeling Mark had ever felt and he let out a gasp as Ten pushed on. Tens' breath stuttered and he looked back like he just noticed what he did and was going to greet Mark. But he only turned back and headed toward the small crowd of people in the kitchen, his shoulders shaking harder.  


Mark looked back into the garage and saw Johnny leaning against the drivers side door where his body still lay. He made to walk towards him before he felt a tugging on his hand. He looked at the arm then the face of what was stopping him.  


"Hyuck I have to go talk to him, I don't know what's happening to me and I need to talk to him."  


"Mark he won't know either, he won't even be able to see you." Hyucks face was bright in his desire to convince Mark to stay by his side.  


"You can see me." Mark didn't like the way Donghyuck was talking, the words weren't making sense to him.  


"We're from the same place now Mark, you saw how Ten didn't react at all, and I'm pretty sure neither will he."  


Mark was still confused as to why he was talking like that, like he was dead, like they were dead together. Hyuck killed his soul, his body, everything Mark had ever loved was gone but was also right in front of him. He could touch the radiance, but he couldn't get to Ten. He had to try and get to Johnny, his head was starting to throb dully again, and he knew he could fix it.  


Mark pulled free and walked to his Hyung. Walking through the room where a body that looked exactly like him was feet away was weird. It made him feel like he was being watched. When he reached Johnny, he gently put a hand on his forearm, willing him with everything to look and see him. Johnny did a kind of flinch from the touch, but he still didn't look up. Mark frowned, but if Yukhei could hear him, then shouldn't Johnny be able to?  


Mark decided to chance his luck, praying to everything that he could be seen. He willed everything in his body to be able to speak to him.  


"Johnny Hyung?"  


Johnny stilled, frozen to the door, before he slowly straightened. He looked towards Mark and it seemed like no matter how hard he tried, how hard he wished, he was invisible. Johnny stepped closer to his space and Mark looked into his face with sad eyes, taking note of the state of his face. But before Mark could react and leave, Johnny let out a sharp cry and snatched him up and was holding him in a rib crushing hug.  


Mark felt all the air leave his lungs as he was pulled into the others body. He felt his lips turn up with the joy of being seen and touched. He patted Johnnys hair, feeling him wet his chest with his tears, hearing sobs muffled by his clothes. But he was so incredibly happy he could see him that he was silent, patting and rubbing him, comforting him with his presence.  


Johnny eventually let him go and just gaped at the boy that seemed so alive. He didn't know what was happening to his mind. He could see the one of the best people in his life. But how was it possible when Marks body was right there in his car? It was surrounded in carbon monoxide and it was so cold, such a contrast to the kindest boy he had known. But the Mark that had been in his arms had a pale look that went with his cold aura, maybe something was wrong with his mind.  


"Johnny Hyung what's wrong with me?"  


Hearing Marks voice made him feel 10 times worse and it made him tear up even more. His chest tightened at every breathe he took and was making it hard for him to move. He hastily wiped his eyes and gripped Marks shoulders in an attempt to calm himself. 

"Mark, my precious brother, what have you done?" Johnnys voice was shaking, and he broke off from speaking to let out a harsh cry.  


Mark flinched at the words, he hadn't done anything that would make everyone react like this. He could feel a fist clench around his heart and squeeze it until he was struggling to breathe. He looked towards the door and saw Hyuck leaning against the frame, facing the kitchen. He leaned away from Johnny and called out for him, he was his breath of air so he would know how to get the oxygen back to him.  


Hyuck did a kind of shake, then he turned back and looked through the doorway. He took in the way Mark was in Johnnys grip and how Johnny was digging his face into his neck. Mark beckoned to him, holding his hand out so he could take it. Donghyucks face morphed into one of shock and he quickly made his way to the two, taking Marks hand. He leaned down at Marks shoulder, in view of Johnny so he could see him. Johnny let out a gasp of surprise and let Mark free. He was gaping at the two boys in front of him, they seemed so healthy and so happy to be with eachother. But Johnny could feel something break in his mind and his heart, he took a great shuddering breath and closed his eyes.  


Johnny couldn't help it or it was just too much for him, but he leaned into the two boys and wrapped them in his arms. He settled almost his whole weight onto them making them stagger back. He was sobbing so bad, it shook all three of their bodies and made the boys feel their still hearts pain again. They comforted him as best as the could in the positions they were in but it didn't help. They couldn't calm him down so they waited for him to get up.  


When he managed to right himself he just stood and stared at the boys. Then he reached out and touched Donghyucks neck, right over the rope burns. The skin was rubbed raw from the struggle and was shiny like new skin. Touching them made him cry even more. How could he not have helped him?  


Donghyuck moved his hands away and instead held them. But that just brought attention to his wrists, that had matching gaping wounds on each one. Johnny could see the blood at the edges, could see it flowing through him. He could even see the dozens of little scars littering the honey skin of his arm. He dropped his hands from Hyuck and breathed. Johnny closed his eyes and very slowly put his shirt in his mouth and wailed into it. It was an animal-like sound that neither had ever heard before.  


They reached out and started patting him and stroking him and trying to comfort him however they could. They hated to see their friend like this, but there was nothing they could do now. Johnny gradually stopped his crying from sobs to tears silently falling down his face, but he didn't open his eyes. He was afraid it'd be too much for him to see the two boys he loved so much, ones he considered brothers, to be standing side by side when they were dead.  


He saw the proof right now and just a couple of days ago when it had been him, again, that found the dead body of his friend. Why did he have to be the oldest, why did he have to be responsible for being strong for the others when the pain was breaking his mentality? It was just too much for him, but he had Ten and Taeyong, if he didn't he probably would've been on the same path as his friends. Yukhei seemed to be on the same track, but he hoped to everything that Renjun is enough to keep him grounded.  


Johnny redirected his thoughts, he didn't want to be reminded of all the sorrows that had happened already to him and his group. But as soon as his eyes opened the biggest reminders were right there. The bodies-or rather the spirits of them. His heart felt like it was going to explode with the pain of it. He could feel fire running through his veins making him hot, and his throat was so tight he could barely get any breaths in. The fire was consuming his body from the inside out, destroying everything that kept him alive. He was breaking.  


Mark and Donghyuck were standing there holding hands in front of him, like it was normal and they just didn't leave him behind forever. Like his heart didn't have two big vast Mark and Donghyuck shaped holes in it now.  


While Johnny was clinging onto them, Mark was making revelations in his head, thinking about Johnnys question: what had he done?  


He loosened his hand from Hyucks and walked to the body in his car that looked like him. He put his arm through the open window and hovered it just below his nose, trying to feel the air coming out. But there was none, so instead, he moved his hand and placed it on his chest right over his heart, that had been very much beating and aching at thoughts of Hyuck earlier. But there was nothing, not even a steady thump. His body was pale, a stark contrast to the black interior. There was no movement from him at all.  


Then the question Hyuck asked him before he fell asleep creeped back into his head; did he wanna stay with him forever? Mark had, of course, answered yes, because that was his whole life goal, to stay with Hyuck forever. He quickly turned back to Hyuck and Johnny, who were holding each other and looking at him like they wanted him to join. But Mark wanted-needed- answers first.  


"Johnny Hyung, what made all my windows look like it was raining inside?"  


Johnny made another moaning sound and buried his face in Hyucks shirt. He stayed there for a moment, before he turned his face towards Mark.  


"Carbon monoxide Mark. It killed you." The words took all his strength to say aloud, Johnny felt another fissure rip right through his chest. He began to cry again, shoulder wracking, throat closing cries. Hyuck frowned down at him, wiping his tears with his thumb, but they just kept coming. He wasn't fast enough to stop them all. It seemed Johnny had a whole ocean to cry.  


Mark stilled at the words, not a single movement from him. Inside Mark was a different story. He had shock rippling through him in tremendous waves, bringing emotion into each one that crashed in his mind. He was happy because he was with his love, the one person that made everything worthwhile. But he couldn't help but feel angry, he wanted time to grief with Yukhei, to get through the tragedy of losing their friend and so much more. Then a thought wriggled into his mind, turning them sad. His family. His family didn't even get to see him again, his friends were all crying out with his name on their mind and his body nowhere to hear them.  


The only thing that made him forget his thoughts, was the radiant presence that lit up his life like no sun ever.  


He looked up at Donghyucks face and it was still cast down, concentrating on comforting Johnny. But even just that angle where he could barely see his face, made love, made red flood through his body, and sprung him forward into action. He walked the short distance between him and Hyuck and grasped his face in his hands. Donghyuck made a noise of surprise but didn't struggle. His honey eyes were boring into Mark, keeping him in the present. Mark moved his face to Hyucks and tentatively bit the others lower lip. He closed the distance between their faces and took Hyucks lips for his own. Pressing their lips together was something Mark could get used to, the shock it sent to his veins giving him energy. The feeling of his stomach flipping and turning made him feel giddy.  


The contact was brief but it still had a lasting effect on both boys. When they broke apart Hyuck had some color dusting his cheeks, and Mark was pretty sure his ears were red, he could feel them burning with heat.  


"I love you, angel."  
Donghyuck laughed at the pet name, he thought he was Hells worst demon come to Earth. This whole ordeal only confirmed it more.  


"I love you too."  


They stared just relishing in the other.Then they brought their attention down to their brother, still in Hyucks embrace. He was crying in his shirt still, so it took a little effort to make him stand. His legs were wobbly, like he was a new-born deer and his breath was still coming out in ragged pants.  


But they had been here for a little too long and there were still people that had their hearts ripped out as well.  


"Johnny Hyung, can you please tell Yukhei that I love him, and that no matter what, he can come and I'll be here"  
Johnny looked at Mark through his watery haze and nodded, afraid to open his mouth. "Me too please, Johnny Hyung," Donghyuck gave him a smile and thought about some more about what would happen when they broke apart from their own world in the garage.  


He leaned into Marks ear and mumbled a thought. Marks face shifted to sadness, regret lingering in the depths. "This too please Hyung."  
Johnny waited for them to continue but instead they both tiptoed and kissed either side of his cheek. Johnny got a little red but his eyes glassed over again and a few tears fell down his cheeks. He could feel more and more cracks running down his heart, he couldn't believe the pain of it.  


"I would tell him anything," Johnny whispered out. 'For them it could be the world and I'd make sure he got it.'  


The boys both leaned in and hugged him one last time, they didn't know if that was final, but Johnny needed to be there for the people they were leaving behind.  


As soon as Johnny turned, in unison, the boys whispered out an 'I love you' , willing it to instill in Johnnys mind and heart. Johnny cried harder for the two boys he didn't know if he would see again, didn't even know if this was real. So he looked back for one more glimpse, but it was already too late.  


The boys had disappeared in his 180 degree turn. Johnny stuttered over his breath and began to walk back to his own lovers. He felt a weight on each of his shoulders, gently gripping, before they disappeared. Johnny let a smile take over his face but it hurt so bad inside. He didn't know how he was going to get through this. His heart was so battered, his chest felt like it was ripping itself in half in an effort to take in air. But then he caught a glimpse of his own partner, the person who was shining in his darkness.  
Maybe that's why Hyuck and Mark still ended up together. Even death couldn't keep them apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Marks ringtone is Moonlight by EXO.


End file.
